nothing left to bleed

Nothing left to bleed after years of opening my chest for people who arrived hungry instead of loving

I gave away softness until even my tenderness started sounding exhausted

Now my heart beats dull and distant like old speakers in abandoned churches

Still functioning technically

Just stripped of music

Motherfucker I used to romanticize vulnerability

Thought honesty would save me somehow

Thought if I loved deeply enough people would handle my soul carefully in return

Instead they treated affection like convenience stores open late whenever loneliness got unbearable

Bitch I got scars invisible enough for society to ignore comfortably

No dramatic bandages

No public sympathy

Just quiet damage buried beneath sarcasm, nicotine, and expensive cologne

The kind of wounds that smile politely while bleeding internally for years

Nothing left to bleed

That realization arrived one winter morning while staring at my reflection after another sleepless night

Eyes dry despite emotional collapse

Chest numb despite memories trying to resurrect themselves aggressively

Even grief looked tired living inside me by then

The apartment smelled like stale smoke and cold coffee

Rain tapping softly against windows like fingers searching for forgiveness

Half written lyrics scattered across the floor like failed prayers

Every room carrying traces of people who promised permanence before vanishing quietly

Fuck I remembered the exact moment tenderness started dying inside me

Not during betrayal

Not during heartbreak

But afterward

When I realized how easily people continue living after breaking parts of you permanently

That truth hollowed me deeper than any goodbye ever could

Motherfucker she once cried in my arms talking about abandonment

Said I made her feel emotionally safe for the first time in years

Then disappeared the moment my own darkness became inconvenient to carry beside hers

Funny how wounded people still wound others without hesitation sometimes

Now every relationship feels like emotional gambling

Everybody wanting intimacy without responsibility

Everybody craving depth until depth starts exposing their own unresolved demons

Everybody terrified of genuine connection while simultaneously starving for it spiritually

Nothing left to bleed

I sat on the fire escape smoking alone at sunrise when that sentence formed inside my head

City waking slowly beneath grey skies and ambulance sirens

Birds singing above alleyways full of broken bottles and sleeping addicts

Beauty and decay sharing the same bloodstream like always

Bitch I think some souls just wear out eventually

Not dramatically

Not suddenly

Just gradual erosion from too many disappointments accumulating beneath the ribs

Like waves murdering cliffs patiently over decades

My mother asked recently why I sound distant during phone calls

Couldn’t answer honestly

Couldn’t explain that emotional burnout feels heavier than sadness itself

Couldn’t admit I’m terrified love might only exist temporarily no matter how sincere it feels initially

So I lied gently

Said I’m just tired from work

That modern little performance everybody accepts without further questions

The truth is exhaustion rewired my entire spirit

Now compliments bounce off me hollowly

Now affection triggers suspicion instead of comfort

Now silence feels safer than confession most nights

Nothing left to bleed

Even my tears stopped showing up consistently

Like my body finally realized crying changes absolutely nothing after enough funerals and failed connections

Like sadness evolved beyond liquid form into permanent weather beneath the skin

Motherfucker I kissed a stranger outside a nightclub recently

Cold lips tasting like vodka and loneliness

She held my face carefully and asked who hurt you

I almost laughed

How do you explain death by a thousand tiny disappointments

How do you summarize years of emotional erosion between cigarette drags and passing traffic

How do you tell somebody the world didn’t break you dramatically

It just slowly convinced you tenderness was dangerous

We stood there beneath flickering neon signs for a while

Two damaged souls pretending physical closeness could replace spiritual understanding

Her perfume smelled expensive and temporary

My silence sounded older than my actual age

Eventually she left without asking for my number

Maybe she sensed the emptiness already

Maybe broken people recognize emotional ghosts instinctively

Maybe I looked too far gone beneath the surface charm and practiced smiles

The cigarette burned down to my fingertips unnoticed

Ash falling onto concrete like tiny funeral blessings

I stared at the skyline thinking about all the versions of myself love buried over time

The hopeful one

The trusting one

The emotionally reckless one who still believed connection healed people

Nothing left to bleed

Just scars healing wrong beneath expensive clothing and artificial confidence

Just memories pacing circles through empty rooms after midnight

Just another lonely motherfucker surviving through emotional drought while pretending numbness counts as strength

And maybe that’s the saddest transformation of all

Not becoming cruel

Not becoming self destructive

But becoming emotionally unreachable even to yourself

Like a locked cathedral after decades without worship

Like an ocean finally running dry beneath moonlight

Like a heart still beating mechanically despite having no blood left worth spilling anymore