silence tastes metallic

Silence tastes metallic after too many nights alone with your own thoughts

Like blood hiding beneath the tongue after biting down on emotion too hard

The apartment sat still around me like abandoned scripture nobody reads anymore

Even the refrigerator hum sounded distant, exhausted, almost human in its suffering

Motherfucker I used to fear loud chaos

Now quietness terrifies me more than sirens and broken glass ever could

Because silence forces honesty

Silence strips distractions naked until all that remains is the raw architecture of your damage

Bitch I sat in the kitchen at 4 AM drinking tap water from a whiskey glass

Trying to convince myself hydration counted as healing somehow

Moonlight leaking through blinds across the counter like prison bars made from heaven

Every shadow in the room looking familiar as old trauma

Silence tastes metallic

Cold and sharp against the back of the throat

Like swallowing coins blessed by exhausted angels

Like kissing somebody immediately after crying hard enough to rupture pride

My phone stayed face down beside me

No notifications

No false hope

No temporary affection arriving through glowing screens to sedate loneliness briefly

Just me and the sound of my own breathing becoming unbearable gradually

I remember when houses felt warm growing up

Television noise from other rooms

Dishes clattering softly

My mother humming while folding clothes beneath yellow kitchen lights

Back then silence meant peace instead of emotional ambush

Now every quiet room becomes interrogation

Every pause between songs turns into psychological warfare

Every lonely evening stretches wider than oceans and twice as dangerous spiritually

Fuck I think modern people fear silence because it exposes how fractured we really are

That’s why everybody keeps headphones on constantly

Keeps podcasts running while sleeping

Keeps relationships alive long past expiration dates just to avoid hearing their own soul clearly

I did the same shit

Filled my life with noise disguised as connection

Club music loud enough to drown intrusive thoughts

Casual sex temporary enough to avoid genuine intimacy

Meaningless conversations recycled endlessly between intoxicated strangers pretending not to be terrified of existence

But eventually the silence returns

Patient as graveyards

Honest as mirrors after midnight

Silence tastes metallic

Especially after arguments

Especially after goodbye texts

Especially after somebody you loved leaves behind empty spaces where laughter used to live naturally

I walked through the apartment touching familiar objects slowly

Half burned candles

Cracked vinyl records

Her forgotten hair tie near the bathroom sink

Tiny relics from relationships that died without proper funerals

Bitch absence changes the atmosphere physically

Makes rooms colder somehow

Makes air heavier inside your lungs

Makes ordinary furniture feel haunted by invisible conversations and unfinished tenderness

Outside rain started falling softly across the city

Cars hissing through wet streets below my window

Neon signs flickering like exhausted prophets above convenience stores and liquor shops

The whole skyline looked emotionally numb

I lit a cigarette despite promising myself I’d stop

Smoke filled the room like confession escaping damaged lungs

My chest tightening with every inhale

Self destruction always arrives disguised as comfort first

Motherfucker I thought about calling somebody

Anybody

Just to hear another human voice interrupt the silence briefly

But vulnerability feels embarrassing after enough disappointments

And loneliness teaches pride faster than wisdom ever does

So I stayed quiet

Listening to pipes groan inside the walls like old ghosts shifting in sleep

Listening to my heartbeat echo faint beneath layers of anxiety and nicotine

Listening to memories replay themselves with terrifying clarity in all that stillness

I remembered my ex asking why I always keep background music playing

Couldn’t explain it honestly back then

Couldn’t admit silence makes me hear every version of myself I failed to become

Couldn’t admit quiet rooms force me to confront how emotionally unfinished I still am

Silence tastes metallic because grief leaves residue everywhere

On language

On skin

On ordinary moments nobody else notices

Like emotional rust spreading slowly through the nervous system over time

The cigarette burned down between my fingers unnoticed

Ash dropping onto the countertop like tiny funeral blessings

I stared at the smoke dissolving upward into darkness

Thinking maybe humans aren’t built to carry this much internal noise privately

Maybe that’s why we create art

Why we scream lyrics into microphones

Why we kiss strangers recklessly at parties

Why we confess ourselves online to people who barely know us

We’re all trying to outrun silence somehow

Trying to cover the metallic taste with music and bodies and temporary distractions

Trying to avoid sitting alone long enough for reality to remove its makeup completely

Eventually dawn started bleeding pale blue through the windows

Morning arriving soft as reluctant forgiveness

Birds singing outside with naive little hope still stitched into their fragile throats

And I sat there motionless in the fading dark

Tasting silence

Tasting regret

Tasting every unsaid thing rusting quietly inside me

Like a lonely motherfucker learning too late that some wounds don’t scream while healing

They just ache softly beneath the surface until silence teaches you their true depth